What’s with gas?

July 6, 2008 at 6:54 pm 2 comments

Like everyone else in the country, I’m tired of high gas prices.  But this post isn’t about that. It is, however, about gas.  🙂

Without warning and without any firm recollection of when it began, I have developed “middle-aged” gas.  I remember that my grandma had it when I was a kid.  She called it pooting. I also remember when my mom got it.  She’d be walking across the room, make a funny noise, and say, “Oops!  I stepped on a frog!”

I prefer to call it by it’s proper name: FARTING. 

It used to be that only beans made me fart.  Then somewhere along the way, raw vegetables became a problem.  Now, it seems that everything is to blame.  Rolling over in bed makes me fart.  Getting in or out of the truck makes me fart.  Going to the store makes me fart.  Talking on the phone makes me fart.  It’s no longer about food intake—it’s just a fact of life. A loud, sometimes stinky fact of life.

What is it about getting older that makes people fart?  I suspect it’s because we are so filled with knowledge and experience that it just oozes out of this particular orifice. We try to share our wisdom with anyone who will listen (youngsters–like we used to be), or we bottle up all of our solutions to the world’s problems because the politicians and CEOs fail to call us and ask for our keen opinion. 🙄

Consequently, all of the information we’ve spent a lifetime accumulating is compressed inside us with no other way to escape than out our bottoms. 

Why doesn’t it come out our ears instead? Look, I never said it was a perfect theory.  If you have something better, I’m willing to listen. But you’ll have to speak up because—well, you know.

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Entry filed under: Aging gracefully.

Morton Salt theory Holy hades, Batman!

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Leslie  |  July 9, 2008 at 7:15 am

    Bwahhah. I’m loving the fact that 90% of the time, I am alone to “let my knowledge and experience come on out”. My Mom steps on frogs too.

    Reply
  • 2. Anna  |  July 9, 2008 at 7:13 pm

    Oh my, I just turned 49 and have the “pooting” problem already! I am already out-doing my husband who was the champion in our house. Thank you for letting me know I am not abnormal 🙂

    Reply

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