Chapter 3, page 27

July 28, 2010 at 6:30 am 3 comments

I think men have a manual that tells them what to do and how to do it. This publication is TOP SECRET, and every man keeps his copy tucked away so that women in the house never find it. I suspect that ours is locked away in the gun safe, tucked into the far right corner near the bottom. Or it could be in husband’s underwear drawer.  He knows I’m not going either place.  Ever.

Yesterday I helped husband mow the yard. (READ: He “let” me help him mow the yard.) When I completed one area and was moving to another, he told me to adjust the mower height from a 4 setting to a 2. I didn’t understand initially and mowed one part the wrong height (hence, the reason he doesn’t “let” me mow often). But after he clarified the instruction again, I began to wonder why.

Why did it matter?  Why did one part need to be mowed higher (the 4 zone) and another part be mowed lower (the 2 zone)?  He pointed and drew an imaginary line with his finger as he gave the instructions, but what if he hadn’t been there? How would I have known when to make the adjustment? And what if I hadn’t made it at all—and continued to mow the entire yard on 4?

I suspect this secret code for adjusting the mower height is in that “guy book” that he has hidden. It’s right there in Chapter 3 on page 27, just after 10 Ways to Drive Your Wife Crazy and just before 10 Ways to Deal With a Crazy Wife.


Entry filed under: Acting Mature. Or not., Men, On the homefront.

The orchestra “The Bible tells me so!”

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Annski  |  July 28, 2010 at 9:44 am

    Congratulations! I think YOU just mastered Chapter 6, How to Get Out of Doing Chores—mangle the job so badly she’ll never ask you to do it again.

    Wise woman!

  • 2. Angela Trout  |  July 28, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    So true, so true! I always thought men were also born with a built-in sports almanac in their brains. Ask them about a sports stat, any stat, and they will spit out statistics, batting averages and what the player wore. 😉

  • 3. Rita  |  July 28, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Ann: I’ve gotten out of doing most of them… his laundry, grocery shopping, etc. But occasionally he gets so far behind with mowing that mangled grass is better than the alternative.

    Angela: Does yours do that? Mine used to, but now he’s too old to remember that stuff unless it has to do with Pete Rose and The Big Red Machine. However, he does know the words to every Western movie ever made. Every word. Every movie. And he says them out loud when he watches the Western Channel. It’s quite annoying…


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