Welcome to menopause, BABY!

November 24, 2010 at 3:38 pm 2 comments

Top 10 ways menopause is like being a young child.

  1. Just like a toddler, I have pudgy arms and legs, rolls of fat and skin on my trunk, and multiple chins. (This is cute on a baby. Not so much on a 50ish-year-old woman.)
  2. It tickles when a strapping young man puts his lips on my belly and blows to make bubbling sounds. (Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened to me recently, and I don’t think it will any time soon unless I pay for the experience. But I do daydream about it sometimes.)
  3. Food gives me gas.  All food.  It may build up for hours, or it may manifest itself at the drop of a hat. (As a grownup, I can usually warn others it’s imminent so that they can move to a safe location.)
  4. Every now and then, I do #1 in my britches.  Okay, I even do #2 on occasion. (Both make me cry, as I find this a sad testament to adulthood.)
  5. My sleep patterns are erratic. I can snooze for two hours, or four hours, or six hours. But it’s never the same, and I always wake up hungry. (Disclaimer: as a menopausal woman, I don’t wake up craving a nipple.) Also, naps are essential.
  6. Mastering language is a struggle. I know what I want to say, but I can’t always find the right words. (I used to know the words in my 30s. Technically, I still know them, but I can’t always think of them.)
  7. Walking is scary. I sometimes get to going too fast and run into things. Other times, I simply fall. (Making matters worse, limited dexterity these days doesn’t allow me to kiss my own boo-boos.)
  8. Tears come unexpectedly and/or at inappropriate moments. Emotions aren’t always a factor. (See #4.)
  9. I like hugs and kisses unless they are from someone who smells like an old person. (Nowadays, of course, I am the old person. But older people than me sometimes smell—well, older.)
  10. Playtime is fun, but it always ends too soon. (Admittedly, my toy selection has evolved over the years.)

Thank goodness I’m stopping at 10.

I don’t have to go into why I had more hair then than I do now.


Entry filed under: Random.

What happens in a day The little things

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Annski  |  November 24, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    Adorable photo!!! You look so Kewpie!

    As for the ‘word loss thing,’ think of it this way: the words are still there but they’re all suspended in your brain on little hangers as if on the motorized sorter at the dry cleaners. If you miss the word, it will come around again, eventually. I have already checked, there is no reverse button in mine, so as they all cascade past me, I get interested in another word and not only lose the original word, but also the original thought. Luckily they’ll stay preserved (or suffocated?) under the shiny plastic. Sakes!

  • 2. Susan  |  January 1, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    I can SO relate! I can’t think, speak or walk like I used to!


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