Welcome to “Old Lady-dom”

I did something this past week that I am so ashamed of. I swore I’d never do it…it seems like such a symbol of “old lady-dom.”  But I went against my better judgment and—well, I feel as though I’ve literally crossed over the threshold into Elderlyville.

It’s bad enough, I suppose, that I wear granny panties: big white, cotton things that could double as a sheet for a twin bed. They aren’t expensive panties.  Fruit of the Looms from WalMart and very comfy. I love pulling a new pair from out of the drawer and putting them on, but I usually save the newest ones for special occasions.  (I know.  That makes no sense!)  Then as a pair becomes worn or the elastic becomes too stretched out around the waste, I toss them into the trash can before stepping into the shower.

So this past week, there was a day when I wasn’t going to shower. Problem was, I had on one of those pairs of panties that was overdue to be discarded. The elastic waistband had lost its stretch after too many trips through the washer and dryer, and they just wouldn’t stay up!  That’s when I did the unthinkable.  I went to the bathroom drawer and grabbed a safety pin.  Being carefuly not to injure myself, I pulled the two loose strips of fabric together to form a “clump” near my belly button and pinned them.

I stood silently for a moment, looking down at my handiwork.  It was disgusting.  I had finally reached rock bottom…the picture of old lady-dom…safety pinning my undies to get one more wearing out of them.

My youth is forever gone, and there is no hope of recapturing it. Life will never be the same.  *sigh*